Well hello there!
It's 3am on a friday morning and my iPod crashes. Just another thing I need to add to the list of things in my life that need fixing.
It's been a VERY long couple of weeks, mainly consisting of me messing up most opportunities that seem to head my way. I left the "Starnow" website due to money problems, which is a bonus on the money saving aspect, but a bit of a downer that I have to give up something I quite like because I don't have any money. My mum, my friends, medical professionals and the internet are all telling me I just need to chill, but that is so much easier said than done!
Since when my social life become so stressful?!?!?!
Yes I know there are worse things going on this world: world hunger, wars etc. But you have think, I'm not heavily involved in them so I choose to focus on the things that are actually happening to me, like a lack of money, over-sleeping to the extent that I'm getting awfully close to missing lectures, juggling drama and work, which I can do and struggling so much that I feel like a burden on anyone I tell, because I know I'm just annoying them. Is it so much to ask for a break? A few days when I don't have to worry about money, sleep, work? I love my friends and I could never just walk out on them so that's out of the question. Money is so influential in people's lives so that is something I can't mess with. And I can do something about this sleep thing, I just need to find enough free time to sleep, plus have time to slide in a bit of shorthand.
I should really stop complaining about my life, my mate's all tell me to man up and deal with life. I should probably listen. I do listen to it, and it works for a little while, then a metaphorical "landmine" hits and screws everything up and takes me back to square one, hence the blog at 3am....
Some people recently have said somethings to me that filled me with such confidence that I wanted to scream to the heavens that I can do it! They know who they are and thank you. I felt so happy, and to be honest, who doesn't love being complimented. I'm not an attention seeker. I may seem like it with all the complaining I do......
But do stop and think that I may be asking you for help but too scared to actually ask?
H.x
Thursday 23 February 2012
Sunday 12 February 2012
And there's the ephipany.....
Life has a funny way of doing things. Life has a funny way of proving things to yourself that you should have known all along. Life has taught me a valuable lesson....
....through "The Inbetweeners Movie"
Yeah I know, weird isn't it?
For those who don't know the plot line (if there is one), it's about 4 english schoolboys who head on a lad's holiday to Greece. Not to put a spoiler on it, but they all get their prospective girls. So happy endings all round. However, one character has me stuck to this film. No it's not Simon (although he is adorable!!) it's Jane. She's the "larger-than-life" character thats ends up with Jay. Now I know that the descripton I used of her probably isn't very nice, but it's not her looks I am describing, it's her personality. She is not the stereotypical woman you would expect to see in a film like this, as she is not as thin as her other friends in this film. But that's the connection between me and her. I consider myself big. My friends constantly say otherwise about me, and I love them for thinking that, but I consider myself big.
Jane throughout the film is badgered by men about her weight. She is called a whale by some very insensitive people, and has all the fat jokes thrown her way. I wouldn't say I get that (well not often anyway) but she deals with them with such attitude that I can only find myself very very VERY much in awe. She amazes me with her repsonses and her "larger-than-life" way of dealing wth them. She pokes fun of herself when others try, finishes their insults off, which rightly pisses them off big time. To basically some it up: She is a legend!
I love her sarcastic attitude towards rude men. She's not afraid to say how she feels and I envy her. Plus, she is confident in her own skin. At one point she is seen in a bikini top and shaul, and in another she is in a bra and knckers running to the ocean. She doesn't care what others think of her, and it amazes me.
And that's when the ephipany happened, as the credits were rolling. I suddently thought "I need to be more like her. I need to take my size as a good thing. There are men out there who would love a woman with curves like mine, men who would love someone to snuggle up against them who loves who they are. Woman who would kill to look as natural as I am." And then it hit me: It's true. I mean i'm not going to start walking round in my bra, or wear a bikini top yet, i'm not that confident, but I can start feeling good about myself. Stop worrying about how much I eat and what others think of me as I eat. I am my own person and if someone doesn't like me for the way I look, well it's their loss.
After all, there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to have the confidence to get out there and fnd them your own way, not by ways others tell you. If a guy likes you for the way you look then don't be afraid to be the whole of yourself, don't hide a part of you away.
I have loved and lost in the past due to my lack of confidence in the way I look and the way I feel about the way I look. But now I am a whole new person. A bigger, better, brighter person.
And thank you Jay. You may be a fictional character but you make us big girls feel beautiful!
H. x
....through "The Inbetweeners Movie"
Yeah I know, weird isn't it?
For those who don't know the plot line (if there is one), it's about 4 english schoolboys who head on a lad's holiday to Greece. Not to put a spoiler on it, but they all get their prospective girls. So happy endings all round. However, one character has me stuck to this film. No it's not Simon (although he is adorable!!) it's Jane. She's the "larger-than-life" character thats ends up with Jay. Now I know that the descripton I used of her probably isn't very nice, but it's not her looks I am describing, it's her personality. She is not the stereotypical woman you would expect to see in a film like this, as she is not as thin as her other friends in this film. But that's the connection between me and her. I consider myself big. My friends constantly say otherwise about me, and I love them for thinking that, but I consider myself big.
Jane throughout the film is badgered by men about her weight. She is called a whale by some very insensitive people, and has all the fat jokes thrown her way. I wouldn't say I get that (well not often anyway) but she deals with them with such attitude that I can only find myself very very VERY much in awe. She amazes me with her repsonses and her "larger-than-life" way of dealing wth them. She pokes fun of herself when others try, finishes their insults off, which rightly pisses them off big time. To basically some it up: She is a legend!
I love her sarcastic attitude towards rude men. She's not afraid to say how she feels and I envy her. Plus, she is confident in her own skin. At one point she is seen in a bikini top and shaul, and in another she is in a bra and knckers running to the ocean. She doesn't care what others think of her, and it amazes me.
And that's when the ephipany happened, as the credits were rolling. I suddently thought "I need to be more like her. I need to take my size as a good thing. There are men out there who would love a woman with curves like mine, men who would love someone to snuggle up against them who loves who they are. Woman who would kill to look as natural as I am." And then it hit me: It's true. I mean i'm not going to start walking round in my bra, or wear a bikini top yet, i'm not that confident, but I can start feeling good about myself. Stop worrying about how much I eat and what others think of me as I eat. I am my own person and if someone doesn't like me for the way I look, well it's their loss.
After all, there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to have the confidence to get out there and fnd them your own way, not by ways others tell you. If a guy likes you for the way you look then don't be afraid to be the whole of yourself, don't hide a part of you away.
I have loved and lost in the past due to my lack of confidence in the way I look and the way I feel about the way I look. But now I am a whole new person. A bigger, better, brighter person.
And thank you Jay. You may be a fictional character but you make us big girls feel beautiful!
H. x
Thursday 2 February 2012
Reality TV can eat my shorts!
I don't know if i've mentioned this before, but i'm from Essex. That's right, Essex.
This does not mean I am from "The Only Way Is Essex"
I hate being compared to that show. It's TV gone mad!! I do not have a fake tan, hair extensions and go around saying "shut up!" elongating every syllable!
And that's the same for every other "reality" TV program. I use this term loosely, but since when is reality being locked in a house full of cameras for 6 weeks? It's insane that something so silly has taken over our entire lives. We hold off on going to places because this rubbish is being broadcast to the world. What other countries film their citizens live and stream it to the world? Other than America (there ones in all fairness are hilarious seeming as they are so outlandish) no other country protrays their people like we do. It's, and I know this is harsh, it is humiliating.
Everytime I go out, or even mention that I'm from Essex, I get questions thrown at me left, right and centre about if i've ever met the cast, do I hang out with them. The most idiotic question i've been asked, and bear in mind that I told this person that I know no-one from TOWIE before they had even asked the question, was "What's Amy Childs like away from the camera?"
I walked away from that in a fit of anger.
I'm more of a fiction program person myself. I love a good murder program like "Murdoch Mysteries" or maybe science fiction programs or documentaries, but if you shove reality television in my face, I will shove a fist back into yours.
After all, I have enough reality to deal with during the day, why would I want to have to deal with while i'm watching TV relaxing?
H.x
This does not mean I am from "The Only Way Is Essex"
I hate being compared to that show. It's TV gone mad!! I do not have a fake tan, hair extensions and go around saying "shut up!" elongating every syllable!
And that's the same for every other "reality" TV program. I use this term loosely, but since when is reality being locked in a house full of cameras for 6 weeks? It's insane that something so silly has taken over our entire lives. We hold off on going to places because this rubbish is being broadcast to the world. What other countries film their citizens live and stream it to the world? Other than America (there ones in all fairness are hilarious seeming as they are so outlandish) no other country protrays their people like we do. It's, and I know this is harsh, it is humiliating.
Everytime I go out, or even mention that I'm from Essex, I get questions thrown at me left, right and centre about if i've ever met the cast, do I hang out with them. The most idiotic question i've been asked, and bear in mind that I told this person that I know no-one from TOWIE before they had even asked the question, was "What's Amy Childs like away from the camera?"
I walked away from that in a fit of anger.
I'm more of a fiction program person myself. I love a good murder program like "Murdoch Mysteries" or maybe science fiction programs or documentaries, but if you shove reality television in my face, I will shove a fist back into yours.
After all, I have enough reality to deal with during the day, why would I want to have to deal with while i'm watching TV relaxing?
H.x
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