"Paradise" is saying what you really feel...

Hi-de-Hi!

1 week till the results of my first year at university. I’m not going to mince with words here....I’m bricking it! Compared with others in my group (you know who you are) I’m quite thick in the head. Their grades are considerably higher than mine, and I just about got by as it is, but now with the second year looming, the pressure is mounting. There is a lot riding on these results: if I fail, I can’t be the treasurer of Drama Society, I can’t live with my friends next year, I’ll have to go out and get a job and I may have to resit exams. There’s too much pressure, which is stressing me out, which is seriously messing up my sleeping pattern! With all these late nights, I’m finding it harder and harder to find things to do. “Doctor Who” is no longer on BBC iPlayer; my iPod keeps mucking me about and no one is awake to talk to. It’s quite awkward sitting in my living room at god-only-knows what time wondering what I should do to fill the waking hours until my brain goes “oh sod all this thinking I’m too tired, let’s just sleep” which seems to be more often than not at about 5am.

Let’s just say my mum is not too happy about this as I keep waking her up. She blames the caffeine in my drink for keeping me up late and waking her in the early hours....I blame the creaky floorboards as I’m walking up the stairs and across my room to my bed. Not my fault Thank You.

As I’m typing this, I’m listening to my iTunes, which seems to be mucking up thanks to my ancient laptop. I’ve had this massive thing for 5 years now, and if I lean on it while I’m typing, the sound turns from very clear to incredibly bad audio. This also happens when I breathe and my stomach pushes on the plug for my earphones at the front. Yes, I am that fat. I should probably go on a diet, but that requires changing my lifestyle of sitting watching TV while I enjoy the company of Dr Pepper and sampling the delights of Tesco’s own cheese ball crisps. They are so bad for me but so lovely. Also the concept of a “diet” requires me to move around in an energetic fashion. This means: running (or waddling in my case) or doing lots of awkward stretches. I don’t need to humiliate myself even further in front of my neighbours (I should explain 1) we have a giant window in our dining room that our neighbours can see in to and 2) that once when it rained a lot I danced in a giant puddle in my bare feet laughing manically....oh happy days) I don’t like moving around as it is, but to add to that is just torture. I would do more exercise but when your body carries on moving independently from you when you’ve stopped moving is quite the put off.

However, moving swiftly on from that ghastly mental image (sorry), I’ve been thinking about lists recently....that sounded less weird in my head.

But these lists are about certain aspect of my life, maybe about my love life (which seems to be popping up more often than not) or maybe a list about all the things I had wished I had said to people. You know when you feel like you should say something, but you’ve been too afraid. Well I get that a HELL of a lot! Y’know what I mean, all those things you want to say to an ex, what you wish you could scream to their face and then walk off, but never had the courage to do. I’ve had the courage to say it before, but to a friend and not to their face. Except in one case where I did actually say it to them, as we were still together at the time, and it did work out for the better. But stuff like that requires a lot of courage, and I was persuaded to say something to him by my friend, when I was at the point of tears, crying my eyes out to her. It really does help I promise, and things may seem bad at first, but they get better.

So, seeming as I had “lists” as the topic of choice swimming around in my head, I decided to create a list for the women of the world. Basically, this is a list of songs I listen to when I’m feeling a little bit down and need a bit of a pick-me-up. Funnily enough it’s what I’m listening to as I type out this post. It’s designed to be listened to when you need empowering, when you need the courage to go and tell that certain person what you want to really want to say, and sod to what they think of it. You may disagree with what songs I choose, but these are the songs that I have.

Firstly, we have “Bust your Windows” sung by Mercedes in “Glee”. Now I’m not a massive fan of Glee, but when I heard this song, you could hear the attitude she gave off while singing it. She smashes the window on her friend Kurt’s car when she confesses that she likes him, and he covers it by saying that he doesn’t like her but that he likes Rachel. This is also false as he is actually looking at Finn.....so confusing.

Next we have an instrumental piece from the film “The Three Musketeers” called “As far away as Possible” This is the most recent re-make of the film starring Logan Lermon (Love him so much!) and I love this song as it has such a strong build up, it really gets you pumped for whatever you are about to do.

Next is “What doesn’t kill you (Stronger)” by Kelly Clarkson. This is a song that I know has got me through some tough times when things haven’t gone my way, and that I can bounce back from them. Much like “Bust your Windows” you can really hear the emotion in Kelly Clarkson singing.

“Titanium” by Sia is the next on my list. It’s the first song I’ve ever listened that has ever made me want to run, and fast! (Yeah you heard right, a song that makes me want to exercise...shocker!) Also I love this song as on the chorus you can belt it out, which really does help with excess energy when you need to vent. Many car trips at university have been filled with this song on full volume.

Lastly, we have “Paradise” by Coldplay. This is one of those rare songs that will end up being timeless. I first heard this song when I was going through my first break up at university, and my friend was driving me to her house to get ready for a night out to cheer me up. It gives you the courage to just get up and do what you want, which is why I love this song so much.

Look these up on YouTube and tell me they don’t get you in the mood to say what you feel! I would love to know what songs get you pumped up for making your feelings known. Just comment below and I’ll check them out.

Live long and Prosper

H.x

The only time when a Knight (and Day) isn't a good thing...

Hello all!

Sorry for not posting in a while. I’m now back home in Essex after moving everything I own from my university. If I’m honest the reason I haven’t written in a while is because nothing much has happened. I’ve gone out a few times with my friends, been shopping, but mostly I’ve been trawling the mean streets of Basildon for work. My CV has been sprawled across Eastgate shopping centre looking for a home. However, no such luck. Another reason for my lack of postings is because I actually had a plan for this one. I had something I actually wanted to write......and then I lost it.

I know, I know that was incredibly stupid of me, but I was moving and it got muddled up with everything else. HOWEVER after many a minute was spent searching for my “little red book”..... Viola! It is now back in my possession! This book was given to me by my Nana for Christmas, which is meant to be a diary, and it was, until I got bored and started doodling.

After realising my doodles better suited a whiteboard, I had little use for my “little red book”, but when I decided that my blog posts needed a bit more planning. My book suddenly had a purpose again! My mum has been telling me to do more stuff to keep me away from the dreads of daytime television. So instead of doing housework like she has suggested (sorry mum) I’m going to put my planning to good use! I’ve always been an organised person (ask some of my friends, I recently told one of them I have a “day out bag” which is a bag prepped with anything you may need on a day out: snacks, a hat, an umbrella, hair tie and clips, phone, deodorant and many other weird manner of things. Please tell me I’m not the only one out there that does that?) And so I found that anything that’s planned ahead of time always turns out better. However, this doesn’t seem to work with my university work. This is proven by the fact that I finish my essay a few days, maybe even a week before the deadline with lots of planning and I’ll score 9 out of 15, whereas others will do it the night before and get 12 out of 15. Maybe I should start doing that.....

Anyway moving on, what I had planned to write about were men. (That sounds a lot creepier than intended) I wrote this shortly after I was dumped for the second time by the same guy. Oh the joys! But that’s another story which requires effort to write about, for which I have none. Anywho, I was feeling a bit down, and I thought about all the different types of relationships that are out there. My train of thought was interrupted when a friend came over to watch a film, which triggered something else in my ever-so-small brain. I thought that some relationships are like some of my favourite films (or not so favourite as you will soon see). I’ve decided I’m going to share it with you. May I present to you:

H.x’s Guide to Relationships: The Film Edition

1.       Captain America/Prince of Persia/Shrek 1-4

This is the type of relationship that gets loads of hype from your friends, such as “OMG you two would be great together!!” or “You two suit! You’re like the same person!!” This goes on and the relationship starts out fantastic, but trails off and get incredibly boring, leading to rubbish ending.

2.       Knight and Day

I’m so glad I only paid £5 for this DVD. This is the type of relationship that is rubbish from start to finish. Basically you didn’t want the relationship in the first place, but you got peer-pressured into it, maybe by your mother or a friend. It ends badly and you never want to see them again.

3.       Did you hear about the Morgans?

This one wasn’t the easiest to come up with an explanation. This is the type of relationship that could swing either way, depending on your taste in men and relationships. If you’re into 100% pure cheesiness throughout your relationship, then find yourself a “Did you hear about the Morgan’s man” who will shower you in all kinds of romantic gestures. However, that depends if you’re really into that sort of thing.

4.       Avatar

I personally love this film, especially for its special effects. However it’s the storyline that takes main focus in this relationship comparison. This is the type of relationship that seems really good, until you realise that it’s ripping everyone else off. That could be in that it’s copying everyone else and not standing out as a relationship. If you don’t understand what I’m on about, then I’ll explain. “Avatar” has basically futurised the story line of “Pocahontas”.

5.       Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief

This is another one of those relationship types that could swing either way, much like “Did you hear about the Morgans?” This is the type of relationship that is totally different from everyone’s expectations. This film is totally different in some aspects compared to the book. That means that the relationship would follow suit, making it totally different from what everyone has said. The relationship will either work out or fail depending on what your friends say.

6.       Harry Potter series 1-8

I’m a massive fan of Harry Potter, and I know many of my friends are too, so I have to be careful what I say. This is the type of relationship that has a few bumps along the way but overall it results in a happy ending. By this I mean that some of the Harry Potter films weren’t as good as others but it had a brilliant ending, and so would this type of relationship.

7.       Toy Story series 1-3

This is the ULTIMATE type of relationship. This is the relationship that everyone wants. This is the type of relationship that gets better and better throughout the duration and has a happy ending. If you don’t want one of these then something is seriously wrong.

So what type of relationship do you have? Or if you’re single and ready to mingle like I am, what type of relationship do you want in the future? I’m making a new poll to vote on, so don’t forget to post up vote!

Live long and prosper

H.x