"Paradise" is saying what you really feel...

Hi-de-Hi!

1 week till the results of my first year at university. I’m not going to mince with words here....I’m bricking it! Compared with others in my group (you know who you are) I’m quite thick in the head. Their grades are considerably higher than mine, and I just about got by as it is, but now with the second year looming, the pressure is mounting. There is a lot riding on these results: if I fail, I can’t be the treasurer of Drama Society, I can’t live with my friends next year, I’ll have to go out and get a job and I may have to resit exams. There’s too much pressure, which is stressing me out, which is seriously messing up my sleeping pattern! With all these late nights, I’m finding it harder and harder to find things to do. “Doctor Who” is no longer on BBC iPlayer; my iPod keeps mucking me about and no one is awake to talk to. It’s quite awkward sitting in my living room at god-only-knows what time wondering what I should do to fill the waking hours until my brain goes “oh sod all this thinking I’m too tired, let’s just sleep” which seems to be more often than not at about 5am.

Let’s just say my mum is not too happy about this as I keep waking her up. She blames the caffeine in my drink for keeping me up late and waking her in the early hours....I blame the creaky floorboards as I’m walking up the stairs and across my room to my bed. Not my fault Thank You.

As I’m typing this, I’m listening to my iTunes, which seems to be mucking up thanks to my ancient laptop. I’ve had this massive thing for 5 years now, and if I lean on it while I’m typing, the sound turns from very clear to incredibly bad audio. This also happens when I breathe and my stomach pushes on the plug for my earphones at the front. Yes, I am that fat. I should probably go on a diet, but that requires changing my lifestyle of sitting watching TV while I enjoy the company of Dr Pepper and sampling the delights of Tesco’s own cheese ball crisps. They are so bad for me but so lovely. Also the concept of a “diet” requires me to move around in an energetic fashion. This means: running (or waddling in my case) or doing lots of awkward stretches. I don’t need to humiliate myself even further in front of my neighbours (I should explain 1) we have a giant window in our dining room that our neighbours can see in to and 2) that once when it rained a lot I danced in a giant puddle in my bare feet laughing manically....oh happy days) I don’t like moving around as it is, but to add to that is just torture. I would do more exercise but when your body carries on moving independently from you when you’ve stopped moving is quite the put off.

However, moving swiftly on from that ghastly mental image (sorry), I’ve been thinking about lists recently....that sounded less weird in my head.

But these lists are about certain aspect of my life, maybe about my love life (which seems to be popping up more often than not) or maybe a list about all the things I had wished I had said to people. You know when you feel like you should say something, but you’ve been too afraid. Well I get that a HELL of a lot! Y’know what I mean, all those things you want to say to an ex, what you wish you could scream to their face and then walk off, but never had the courage to do. I’ve had the courage to say it before, but to a friend and not to their face. Except in one case where I did actually say it to them, as we were still together at the time, and it did work out for the better. But stuff like that requires a lot of courage, and I was persuaded to say something to him by my friend, when I was at the point of tears, crying my eyes out to her. It really does help I promise, and things may seem bad at first, but they get better.

So, seeming as I had “lists” as the topic of choice swimming around in my head, I decided to create a list for the women of the world. Basically, this is a list of songs I listen to when I’m feeling a little bit down and need a bit of a pick-me-up. Funnily enough it’s what I’m listening to as I type out this post. It’s designed to be listened to when you need empowering, when you need the courage to go and tell that certain person what you want to really want to say, and sod to what they think of it. You may disagree with what songs I choose, but these are the songs that I have.

Firstly, we have “Bust your Windows” sung by Mercedes in “Glee”. Now I’m not a massive fan of Glee, but when I heard this song, you could hear the attitude she gave off while singing it. She smashes the window on her friend Kurt’s car when she confesses that she likes him, and he covers it by saying that he doesn’t like her but that he likes Rachel. This is also false as he is actually looking at Finn.....so confusing.

Next we have an instrumental piece from the film “The Three Musketeers” called “As far away as Possible” This is the most recent re-make of the film starring Logan Lermon (Love him so much!) and I love this song as it has such a strong build up, it really gets you pumped for whatever you are about to do.

Next is “What doesn’t kill you (Stronger)” by Kelly Clarkson. This is a song that I know has got me through some tough times when things haven’t gone my way, and that I can bounce back from them. Much like “Bust your Windows” you can really hear the emotion in Kelly Clarkson singing.

“Titanium” by Sia is the next on my list. It’s the first song I’ve ever listened that has ever made me want to run, and fast! (Yeah you heard right, a song that makes me want to exercise...shocker!) Also I love this song as on the chorus you can belt it out, which really does help with excess energy when you need to vent. Many car trips at university have been filled with this song on full volume.

Lastly, we have “Paradise” by Coldplay. This is one of those rare songs that will end up being timeless. I first heard this song when I was going through my first break up at university, and my friend was driving me to her house to get ready for a night out to cheer me up. It gives you the courage to just get up and do what you want, which is why I love this song so much.

Look these up on YouTube and tell me they don’t get you in the mood to say what you feel! I would love to know what songs get you pumped up for making your feelings known. Just comment below and I’ll check them out.

Live long and Prosper

H.x