That’s it! That’s the final straw! After I heard this today I knew I had to write a blog post on it.
Oh, by the way, Hello! Sorry it’s been a while, nothing interesting has happened....
So, what may you ask has made me so enraged that I have to blog about it after a month of silence? Well it’s something very close to my heart and very close to home for me. I mean that when I hear of it, and when it comes into being it just makes me erupt to the point of tears. Now even I’m asking myself “What in the blue hell are you talking about?” Well the answer is very simple: It’s my mother.
Yeah, you didn’t see that one coming now did ya?!
Before I go any further, I should urge that this isn’t a blog post bitching about my mum; in fact it is the total opposite. But today something happened that gave me the inspiration for this blog post. As many of my friends have found out, my mum can come out with some real crackers of one-liners. I’d say she is a walking Christmas cracker, but my dad has already claimed that title long ago! She’s like the little kiddie crackers you get that just about pass as Christmas crackers. As me and her have been home alone for good months now, we both get very VERY bored when we aren’t out and about. Today, we headed out to our local high street because I wanted to buy a book I’ve been waiting a year for. As we were heading home, I looked out my window to see two dogs with their owners. The conversation that followed had me crying with laughter and reduced my mother to a childish snigger, but its best shown in the conversation format. So here it is:
Me: Oooh look! It’s a Poodle and a Shih Tzu!
Mum: Doesn’t that make it a Shitz Poo?
Me: No! It’s a Poodle and Shih Tzu, two totally separate dogs!
Mum: Oh! If there was more than one would they be called Shitzy Poos?
At that point mum had to slow the car down as we were laughing so much. To me, this was comedy gold, but probably written down it’s not so funny. However, this isn’t the first time mum has had me in stitches. She once thought she knew one of my friends because she had seen their butt. As creepy as that sounds there is a back story needed. One of my brother’s friends “mooned” our house and my mum mis-took him for the person who did it. So when she proclaimed this in front of my brother’s friends, and a big group of friends at that, every single one of us was on the floor!
Other classic one-liners include:
· Market Guy: So what book did you buy then?
Me: Oh it’s nothing, just a kid’s book
Market Guy: Oh not that “50 Shades of Grey” stuff?
Mum: Only if that was a kid’s colouring book
· Brother: Well mum if you win the lottery and dad sleeps with a supermodel we can be rich for life!
Dad: Why would I sleep with a supermodel?
Mum: He wouldn’t be able to walk after sleeping with a supermodel!
I would name others, but they may be a bit rude. I’m not sure what age group reads my blog, but I can’t be dealing with getting into trouble.
Also, just a quick shout out to all my readers from across the water, including countries such as: Malaysia, France, Egypt, Latvia, Canada, Germany, Russia and the United States. I can’t believe we have readers in so many countries; it’s amazing, especially if you have to translate the blog into another language. I hope it’s gets through as much as I hope it will.
Now I’m off, there’s a kid’s book that requires my much needed attention.
Live Long and Prosper
H.x
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