If the tight suit fits, wear it!

Bonjourno!

I have a ton of things to tell you all about!! So exciting!!

Firstly, the exams I was panicing about (Law for Journalists and Shorthand) are over......AND I ACED THEM!!! I was so happy when I came out of the exam rooms! I must admit I had about a 3-day migrane after but it was worth it, because it means I get to come back next year to university! (which is all good seeming as i've already paid quite a big deposit for my house) I'm glad I did as much revision as I could because it made a massive difference. I walked into Law thinking I coud do it, and that I knew what I was talking about, and it made all the difference. I must admit I was petrified about Shorthand, considering that everytime I did a 60 words per minute paper I missed LOADS! However on this I didn't miss a single word out! A new personal best!

The next thing is really nice, and what I consider a miracle. I am dating someone! I know, un-frickin'-believeable but true nevertheless! It's been going rather well and I can't wait to see where it leads to. I know it sounds a bit harsh when I say it's a "miracle", but I have never conisdered myself attractive to the opposite sex. I have always considered myself as a rather large 5' 5 3/4" (I've grown yay!!) girl who no man would be interested in. So, and I'm not jinxing it, but I hope it goes well.

And now for the title. I bet you read that title, then looked at the first bit of my blog, then back at the title and thought "What in the blue hell has that got to do with anything??" Well, I shall respond to your pleas for an answer. I am on a Journalism course at university, and the group of friends we have (the Journos as we like to be called) decided to throw ourselves a party to celebrate the end of our two hardest exams. Now the people who were throwing this party wanted a fun theme, so they chose.....Disney Pixar. Without a doubt one of the best themes to choose outside of Pokemon. They gave us all characters and then left us to our own devices. I was given Dory from "Finding Nemo".

I don't know if you've tried looking online for a Dory costume.....it's extremely hard to find one, especially if you don't want to make one.....

Soooooooooooo I decided to follow a totally different approach. Basically I chose another character. This time I chose Violet from the film "The Incredibles." If you've never seen this film, firstly you haven't lived till you've seen that film, plus the costume is to put it accurately....tight fitting. (The title's starting to make more sense now isn't it) I thought nothing of it until I pieced together my completely homemade costume.....oh.my.goodness! I nearly considered just going in normal clothes, mainly because I thought I looked ridiculous, but also because we were heading out afterwards, and I didn't want to become a laughing stock. However I'm so glad I stuck with it because that was an amazing night! A lot of my friends asked where I had bought my costume from, they didn't believe I made it myself. And a lot of my female friends complimented me on my figure, saying they wanted my curves. You can have them, take them please!

You have no idea how empowering it is to go on a night out looking like I do in an outfit like that and get compliments from people. It felt amazing! I felt so good about myself and about the way I looked that I cried. I'm not ashamed to say it (well a little bit maybe) but hearing compliments like that were so lovely. It's hard to hear comments saying you look nice when you hardly believe it yourself. I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone last night. That means you Sarah, Katie, Gina, Alice, Tom B, Tom L, Tom K, Ross, Jake, Jon, Dan, Charlie, Lewis, Georgie, Ben and John.

This is the outfit that empowers a woman. If you ever need a costume to feel good about, try this one, it cost me £7 in total!

H. x

There's more to life than exams...but they really don't help!

If life was fair:

1) I would have passed my driving test first time
2) Chocolate would be good for you
3) Petrol would be cheaper
4) I would only take exams that I will actually need!!!

As you can probably tell by the amount of exclamation points, plus the title of this blog, I have exams pretty much immenant. I have 2 coming up: Law for Journalists and (my arch nemisis) Shorthand. I, without a shadow of a doubt, hate Shorthand with a passion! I don't even need it for my chosen career path! I wish to be either: a presenter; a camera-woman or an editor. None of these require me to write stuff down at 60/80/100 words per minute. Even my own mother commented on my notebook as "full of doodles."

Now I'll be the first to admit I didn't see my chosen career paths until I arrived at university, but I do thnk that universities need to stop piling on the presure of needless exams. I know plenty of universities that do my course that don't even examine students in their first year. They teach all the details and skills and bring up the speed in the first year, then put them in the exams in the second year......OH C'MON!!!! Why can't we do that?!? Law is not a problem for me. I'm not meaning to sound too pretentious but Law for Journalists (compared to my other subjects) is my speciality. However, give me technical stuff to do and I am there!! But unfortunately it's sod's law that I finally find out what I want to do with my life and I've missed the deadlines for the modules. They had the perfect one for me but my brain doesn't kick into gear quick enough.

I've got the revision gear needed, I just lack the pure motivation. Things have started perking up for me in my personal life, so my brain just doesn't seem to care anymore.
Housten.....we have a problem.....

Hopefully by my next blog everything will be peaceful again. I can't be dealing with damaging my future because of 1 lousy exam!

Shorthand: You will NOT get the best of me!
I WILL kick your doodled butt!!!


H. x

Jiving in a Southend car park...

Yeah you read that right. I was jiving in a Southend car park with my mate Peter....
....with my mum watching....
....and several drunk people....

This (as you are probably aware) is not a common occurance in my day-to-day life, firstly because I don't actually live in Southend, but also because I am in fact...painfully shy...(I am honestly)

HOWEVER! (pause for dramatic effect) I have a new lease of confidence, shame it's at 11:00pm when I can't do anything about it, but a new lease of confidence nonetheless! To explain why I was jiving at 10:30pm on a friday night in a car park instead of a nightclub, you must understand how I got there: I attend a dance group called "Ceroc" which specialise in jive dancing. I have been going for a year now, but the last 6 months have been a but on/off due to university. I met my friend Peter, who is now a close buddy of mine. We jived all the time at Ceroc, but because I don't go as often, I never get to dance with him anymore (sad face).

SOOOO now that I'm back in Essex I figured a good ol' fashioned meet up wouldn't go a-miss. So off to (any day but today) sunny Southend I went. To sum up the day: it was epic! We saw "The Hunger Games", I kicked his butt at Just Dance 2 about 3 times (which I heard from my buddies Katie and Sarah that I aparantly am very good at, thank you ladies) and had a general mess about. When it came to take me home, he walked me to my mother's car, where a tune was blaring....

....here comes the dancing!

After a jive to Cora Emerald, and a lovely appaulse from my mum and several nightclubbers on their way to a good night out, I headed on home. It was lovely to be appaulded on something I considered only to be a laugh. It may sound a bit stupid to say, but I've always considered myself to be quite an average person, nothing particularily special to the world, but seeing random strangers, plus my mum, clap me for something I wasn't even trying at, it made me feel proud that I could something worthy of an appaulse. I mean I do the drama performances, and they really do help with the whole confidence thing, but there is only so long you can feed off that once you've stopped.

So it may sound stupid, and if you see me please do feel free to slap me round the face, but I felt like more than an average person after dancing. Not only because I got some recognition for what I did, but because I did it outside in an open space in front of people, and I didn't crease up in embarassment like I normally do.

I think I may do more stuff like that, just maybe not so close to drunk people. As my character in "Joking Apart" says:

"They get a bit fighty on the vichey water"


H.x

Hide the Malteasers, she's at it again....

Well it's been a while!

I'm not going to lie when I say the last 2 weeks have been some of the most stressful but fun times of my life. Everytime I sit at my laptop and think 'It should write a blog post' i'm absolutely knackered so I either go to bed or stay up to ridiculous times of the morning and face-plant my laptop...

...you think i'm kidding? It hurts when your head slaps straight into your keyboard...

The reason for my time away from WKD, Chinese, Drama: A full ton of words? One word: Drama. We had our production of "Joking Apart." For those who don't know the play (so most of you then?) the play is set around 4 parties that happen over the course of many years at the same house, headed by Anthea (me) and her partner Richard. You meet the new neighbours Hugh (who proclaims his love to Anthea...awkward...) and Louise (who goes nuts!!). You then meet Brian (works for Richard, loves Anthea... again, awkward) and his many girlfriends Melody, Mandy and Mo (all played by the same person). We lastly meet Sven (Richard's business partner) and Olive (Sven's wife). Overall it was a good giggle. Here have a looksie :)

Don't we all look happy? Thank you to Naina for the lovely picture.

So yes, this is the reason I've been so delayed in a blog post. I do apologise. However, this is only a small part of my 2 weeks. I've had coursework, a social life (oddly enough) and many other bothers hitting me in the head. Everything has got better admittedly: I'm sleeping a lot better than before, my shorthand has improved and (in my opinion) i'm sailing through law. You'd think i'd be happy with this, but OH NO I am aiming higher!

I've applied for the committee for Drama Society. I figured it's had such an impact on my life I should try and help it make a bigger impact on others too. I also think I'm doing the wrong course at university. This is NEVER a good thing. I love doing Broadcast Journalism, but it's missing something. I don't know what it is, but something is lacking...maybe my enthusiasm at the moment, but that's besides the point. I've also had (what I can describe) as a complicted social life. I overthink everything! My own mother said to me only 5 days ago "you'll do better with a man in a relationship if you didn't talk as much"...

...thanks mum...

However she does have a point. I talk waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much when it comes to men. I just get so jittery y'know? If there's silence, my brain thinks something is wrong and decides "fill the air with pointless information...GO GO GO!!!" and I talk and talk and talk and talk and talk....you get my point. Also, I have the terrible nack of saying too much too soon. I honestly don't see the problem: I don't want to lead a guy on and if the only way of not leading them on in my eyes is to tell them something, then it's their own fault. However, not every man will agree with this so I tend to blow any chance of a relationship right out of the water!

I should probably just follow my mum's advice and shut up, but it never works, I just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.....

Till next time

H.x

I've cracked open the chocolate, this should be interesting....

Well it's been a while hasn't it! For some reason I haven't had anything to write about.

Everything is finally getting back on track....oh wait! There's something to write about....

Well line learning is no longer an issue anymore I'm pretty much off script. One or two bits need a bit of work but line learning is no longer dominating my life. (phew!) I'm a lot calmer than I used to be. I used to stress out A LOT (people who know me can back me up on this) but recently i've had more "me time" where I can do what I want, when I want and hang out with who I want.

So basically, I feel awesome again!!! *does a small victory dance*

Now that I've got that out of my system, I can move on. Even though I've been having a lot of "up" days recently, it appears that the "down" days still like to make an appearance. For example, I've just had a great weekend, so my body has decided that to bring me back to planet earth it's going to make me feel like a barrel. 3-day weekend yes, but stomach cramps noooo! Also, I seem to be taking a lot more control of people's perspectives of me. That may sound weird but I shall explain. I used to be the butt of the joke, and sometimes I didn't mind if I was in the right sort of mood, but at times I was clearly not in the mood. However, now I take everything with a pinch of salt (my friends will all now say in unison "but we've been telling you that for ages!!" well I say to you I was listening, it just didn't make sense at the time)

It's not a very long blog post today I know, but when you feel like I do today, with the pain and the "I-told-you-so" moment directed at me possibly being fired in my direction soon, you get what you're given :)

Also, a mini shout-out to my friend Sarah, as she has been really helpful over the last couple of days, plus she has a very cool blog!

See ya!

H. x

The 3am Ramblings

Well hello there!

It's 3am on a friday morning and my iPod crashes. Just another thing I need to add to the list of things in my life that need fixing.

It's been a VERY long couple of weeks, mainly consisting of me messing up most opportunities that seem to head my way. I left the "Starnow" website due to money problems, which is a bonus on the money saving aspect, but a bit of a downer that I have to give up something I quite like because I don't have any money. My mum, my friends, medical professionals and the internet are all telling me I just need to chill, but that is so much easier said than done!

Since when my social life become so stressful?!?!?!

Yes I know there are worse things going on this world: world hunger, wars etc. But you have think, I'm not heavily involved in them so I choose to focus on the things that are actually happening to me, like a lack of money, over-sleeping to the extent that I'm getting awfully close to missing lectures, juggling drama and work, which I can do and struggling so much that I feel like a burden on anyone I tell, because I know I'm just annoying them. Is it so much to ask for a break? A few days when I don't have to worry about money, sleep, work? I love my friends and I could never just walk out on them so that's out of the question. Money is so influential in people's lives so that is something I can't mess with. And I can do something about this sleep thing, I just need to find enough free time to sleep, plus have time to slide in a bit of shorthand.

I should really stop complaining about my life, my mate's all tell me to man up and deal with life. I should probably listen. I do listen to it, and it works for a little while, then a metaphorical "landmine" hits and screws everything up and takes me back to square one, hence the blog at 3am....

Some people recently have said somethings to me that filled me with such confidence that I wanted to scream to the heavens that I can do it! They know who they are and thank you. I felt so happy, and to be honest, who doesn't love being complimented. I'm not an attention seeker. I may seem like it with all the complaining I do......

But do stop and think that I may be asking you for help but too scared to actually ask?

H.x

And there's the ephipany.....

Life has a funny way of doing things. Life has a funny way of proving things to yourself that you should have known all along. Life has taught me a valuable lesson....

....through "The Inbetweeners Movie"

Yeah I know, weird isn't it?

For those who don't know the plot line (if there is one), it's about 4 english schoolboys who head on a lad's holiday to Greece. Not to put a spoiler on it, but they all get their prospective girls. So happy endings all round. However, one character has me stuck to this film. No it's not Simon (although he is adorable!!) it's Jane. She's the "larger-than-life" character thats ends up with Jay. Now I know that the descripton I used of her probably isn't very nice, but it's not her looks I am describing, it's her personality. She is not the stereotypical woman you would expect to see in a film like this, as she is not as thin as her other friends in this film. But that's the connection between me and her. I consider myself big. My friends constantly say otherwise about me, and I love them for thinking that, but I consider myself big.

Jane throughout the film is badgered by men about her weight. She is called a whale by some very insensitive people, and has all the fat jokes thrown her way. I wouldn't say I get that (well not often anyway) but she deals with them with such attitude that I can only find myself very very VERY much in awe. She amazes me with her repsonses and her "larger-than-life" way of dealing wth them. She pokes fun of herself when others try, finishes their insults off, which rightly pisses them off big time. To basically some it up: She is a legend!

I love her sarcastic attitude towards rude men. She's not afraid to say how she feels and I envy her. Plus, she is confident in her own skin. At one point she is seen in a bikini top and shaul, and in another she is in a bra and knckers running to the ocean. She doesn't care what others think of her, and it amazes me.

And that's when the ephipany happened, as the credits were rolling. I suddently thought "I need to be more like her. I need to take my size as a good thing. There are men out there who would love a woman with curves like mine, men who would love someone to snuggle up against them who loves who they are. Woman who would kill to look as natural as I am." And then it hit me: It's true. I mean i'm not going to start walking round in my bra, or wear a bikini top yet, i'm not that confident, but I can start feeling good about myself. Stop worrying about how much I eat and what others think of me as I eat. I am my own person and if someone doesn't like me for the way I look, well it's their loss.

After all, there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to have the confidence to get out there and fnd them your own way, not by ways others tell you. If a guy likes you for the way you look then don't be afraid to be the whole of yourself, don't hide a part of you away.

I have loved and lost in the past due to my lack of confidence in the way I look and the way I feel about the way I look. But now I am a whole new person. A bigger, better, brighter person.

And thank you Jay. You may be a fictional character but you make us big girls feel beautiful!

H. x